the road ahead

I was blessed with a very specific set of skills, most of which I've only come to embrace and fully utilize in the last few years. Also, most of which are useless. Sarcasm, being a good friend, using humour as the ultimate defense mechanism, aesthetics, adaptability, quoting movie lines...all things I do well. You might notice that making decisions isn't on that short list. 

There was a time when I was a terrible decision maker. Actually, I'm not even sure I'm great at it now, though I've grown and gotten better. I tend to always lead with my heart and follow with my head. I've learned a lot of lessons this way. I've learned a lot of about myself, including my weaknesses. For people and places. 

My heart is on a tiny island in the Pacific at the bottom of the world. It's where majority of my people live. It's where I feel my best. It's home. Truth is, my heart hasn't {fully} ever left. Not in 6 years. Moving back to my island home...that's the big picture goal. But it takes tiny steps to get there. And, like anything in my life, the journey has not been directly linear. I'm taking the long way home. I'm going on a new adventure that will hopefully lead me back to it. All of it. 

Even with a visa and a M.A., I've found it difficult to find a gig other than respectable receptionist positions. I've been a receptionist. I nail the receptionist role. I'll probably end up being an administrative assistant again at some point in my life. Who could ever know, right?

It's just not what I'm passionate about. I know I'm made to give back. It's what I've studied to do. It's what I continually strive to do. I don't have the dilemma of not knowing what I want to do anymore. I'm not a 20-something with a career crisis. I know exactly what I want to do, but working for an NGO overseas is incredibly competitive and there are a million other Taras fighting for the same thing, ya dig? 

So, what do you do when being where your heart is won't allow you to do what your heart was made for? No...seriously...I'm asking. Because I have no fucking idea here, guys. And it feels both like a challenge and a bit of a mental nightmare. 

I've turned down positions to work in Fiji, Bali, and Japan in an attempt to practice patience. Either the roles were perfect but I'd basically be volunteering/losing money or the money was insane and I'd be selling my soul. But with patience comes better opportunities. Opportunities to pursue something with a wage that allows me to pay off what's left of my minimal student loan while giving back in a way that fits my experience. I just feel lucky I'm able to be picky at all. That's a true privilege. I've been working, working out, and Skyping friends. I've been writing. A lot. I've been connecting with people and expanding my network. I've been busy. I've been living. And, even though I've been spread really thin lately with everything that's happening, I'm really happy.

And I've made decisions. 

I head to New York soon. Later in the summer, I will be in London for a lot of exciting things I can't wait to share!! From there I'm keeping my travel itinerary and upcoming boarding passes a bit quiet until it's all mapped out. However, I promised life updates and my recent Instagram had people messaging me, making guesses about my future plans.  I don't want people guessing. They are almost always wrong in their assumptions anyway. 

On Monday, I was approached by two companies for two different positions. In places I've talked about for years but never made any real effort to get to. 

One role would have me in the Maldives and the other would have me training newbie TEFL teachers and developing curriculum for TEFL rookies in South Korea. Basically, I would be a teacher for teachers. Teach-ception. Both positions allow me to use my previous experience and qualifications to help people, just not in a way I'd first considered. 

Life is ultimately about flexibility. Adapting to change. Learning that nothing is ever permanent. Like the elasticity of your own heart, you must stretch yourself and think big picture {going home} and intricate details {the journey in between}. I've made decisions about the road ahead, once again following my heart. 

And that road looks wild and unpaved.